Eyes To See & A Heart To Be Grateful

Sometimes life seems to be one major thing right after the other, with easily unsung beauty in between. 

Savoring the little things: a cool breeze on my face, a perfectly formed flower blooming in a hidden crevice, the rumbling rattle of my cat's purr, the perfect cup of coffee, the delight of my granddaughter's giggle, the sound of dry grass crunching under my horses hooves....

These easily missed, absolutely free treasures, give me strength to face the big things.

Lord, give me eyes to see You all around me, and a grateful heart that invites your grace. Truly you are good, and there is always something to celebrate. Always.

Adoption: The Long Wait

There is a special kind of pregnancy.  The interminable time of being in the waiting womb of adoption. 

Instead of the baby being in the dark, you are. With no due date to look forward to, nursery nesting is held off, decorative impulses paralyzed by fear.  The finish line is moved each time you  approach it. No certain milestone to celebrate.  (For an international adoption, just throw in an extra ten or twenty thousand bucks, an ocean, and even more red tape and you get the picture.)

Long days become months and even years and your life seems at a standstill. Empty arms becoming full are contingent on the choices of other people. 

Red tape,  government workers, unknown identities are unwelcome obstacles. Girls not ready to be mommys, yet not able to let go is often a reality.  You know that your future child could be hungry and languishing in an orphanage somewhere, and here you sit, swallowed up in luxurious misery, unable to feed him or her.

Our Long Wait consisted of a preterm birth, miscarriage after miscarriage, and finally the joy of our sweet Hannah Jean. Can I just say that The Wait made us better parents?  The ache to be mom and dad helped the inconveniences to be joys instead. We are so grateful. That was 24 years ago and Hannah Jean is about to have a second  baby of her own.  That makes me twice a grandma.  Really?

If you are waiting, know that the season will come to an end.  Though you may now be drowning in the seemingly endless world of everyone else's diaper bags, looking from the outside in, just know that your arms will be holding the very one God has for you.

May He grant you courage as you hope, patience as you wait, and grace one day to be the best parent you can be.  In the meantime, part of your Narrow Road will be forgiving those whose eyes hold pity, whose brains don't comprehend, and whose lips utter words that amplify their lack of understanding.

He sees and He knows.  He has not forgotten you.

Heaven's Value is Different

Have you ever sat, dumbfounded, while hearing an appraiser on Antique Roadshow state an astronomical value on some old thing that has occupied a dark and forgotten corner for years?  Sometimes a family treasure holds no monetary value, while the thing collecting decades of dust in the attic silently becomes priceless.

I think heaven will be like that for most of us.  Those unrecognized choices that go without earthly applause have value we know not of.  These will be shown their worth.

How I look forward to That Day.  The day that declares what loving Him is worth.

Seasons Change

My baby ballerina will be getting married very soon and the current season of dancing is wrapping up in a few days - thus the ending of an era for her.

And for me.

I've been sewing ribbons and elastic on pointe shoes for quite a few years now, (I'm talking hundreds of pointe shoes, people) and I have just done so for the last time. Four ribbons, two pieces of elastic, two pink satin shoes with painful boxes  in the toes that must be balanced upon.  (Whacko, really.)

It seems quite reasonable that my heart would have a pang of nostalgia or some such other emotion about this maternal chore no longer being required of me, but I simply feel Happy Relief. (No more elastic! No more ribbon! No more $70 a pair!)

Fast forward a few days to this weekend where I will watch my baby dance for possibly the last time, a different matter entirely.  (Sob!)

 

My Chair

I am sitting in my chair with the perfect cup of cappuccino, my huge white cat about to spring up from the floor and plop weightily into my lap. 

This chair is awkward, the way it sits in my bedroom. It is bulky and it blocks the path to the bathroom door. It was ugly even when it was new, but now that it has served my rear end for almost a decade after my mother had to let it go - along with all of her other worldly possessions - it is uglier still.

It is, however, my spot. Mama's Chair. It offers a front row seat to the glory of the sun as it rises over the same trees year after year. These trees have been my friends, greeting me each morning, offering stability in the midst of ever changing seasons. While sitting in it, this chair's awkward position in my room has no relevance. Maybe it will continue its matriarchal duty in the life of one of my daughters after I'm gone. (If it's still able to hold a body.) Until then, I will recline and wonder at the beauty of my Creator. I will carefully speak words of love and comfort to whomever sits across from me. I will read the Word and wonderful books and then more of the Word, as my cat fights to sprawl himself across each page. I will find the strength to get up and face whatever each day may bring.

And oh, the coffee tastes so good. :-)

Covered

This morning, a situation with a loved one was heavy on my heart. What should I do?  How can I help?  The reality that I cannot do anything until I am asked for help did not bring much comfort.

So I asked Him for help.  I needed His perspective.  (I wonder if He waits for us to ask like that?)

Before leaving for church, I was informed that my youngest daughter's car had the only set of keys locked inside.  It was my understanding that she wasn't yet aware of the problem because she was busy singing and had not been told.

As I was still outside and walking into church I heard, "Hey Patty!"  and saw that my husband was in the parking lot with a few friends and they already had Mal's car unlocked with the hood up, and they were working on getting the security system reset.

Before Mal even knew of the problem, her father was there working on it.

Suddenly I realized God's heart for what had been bothering me.

He's on it!

I am trusting Him with right now - AND I am sending Him ahead into ANYTHING that comes.  I know He has solutions for problems I don't even know could exist.

My Father has me covered, and that includes all the ones I love.

"Do not be anxious about your life...." Matthew 6:25

Worship and Riding

As the hand made items of a person who has died testify that they indeed, lived, so creation points to a Creator.

As I ride my horse on packed earth, covered with fallen leaves, and breathe in this  unseen but necessary air; as I see the  blue of the endless sky, I am reminded of this:  not only has He lived, He lives.

Thank You, Lord, for showing Yourself  through what You have made, and for allowing me to view it all from the back of this awesome horse.