A Special Day

Living  in a halfway house in the summer of '77,  I was so depressed that I didn't want to fall asleep at night because it meant that my next waking moment would be the reality of a another day looming before me. A day that I would have to sludge through, with no hope for the future. A day filled with ever present reminders of wrong choices and their seemingly unending consequences.  To stall going to sleep and to keep that reality at bay, I began reading 2 chapters of Luke each night.

One afternoon, during the mandatory monthly meeting with my halfway house counselor,  I was confronted about not fully embracing the "program." (At this point, I had already been in a psych ward, through chemical dependency treatment, and now was there at Wayside House.)

The emotional help that man had to offer was quickly proving to be just that: The Help of Man.

I began sharing with this counselor that I was reading the Bible each night and I had just gotten to the part where Jesus was being crucified.  What had been words on a page, were suddenly describing an act of love that had power to change my life.   Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord, you will be saved.  This happened to me that day. As I attempted to tell her that Jesus died on the cross, my heart broke.  I could hardly get them out! But instead of self piteous tears, I was broken because of what Jesus had done for me.

As soon as I left the counselor's office, I went upstairs to my bedroom, got on the floor, and gave my life to the Lord. Because I didn't know exactly how to pray, I played a song that seemed to be more of a prayer.  (I had purchased an album from a gal going door to door in my parents' neighborhood a few years before.  The only reason I had wanted it was because both the singer and the seller were black, something I had SO wanted to be!)  I had learned every word of this song - truly a seed planted - and now I was ready to sing it as a prayer, and with all of my heart, I did.   He washed away the stains I could not seem to even lighten. Within a week or so, I was in Midwest Challenge, a Christian program patterned after Teen Challenge. A few months after completing it, I came to Agape Force, a ministry in Texas that existed for the purpose of bringing revival to America. I am so grateful for the place of safety He gave me there. I literally swam in the presence of God for six months or more!  ♥ ♥

There was no one present to help me repeat certain words or read The Four Spiritual Laws.  I had been "breathing" prayers while in treatment, things like: I just give my life to You and I wonder if God could forgive ME? I've often thought that like the prodigal's father, who rejoiced while his son was still far off,  God saw me heading in the right direction and also rejoiced, though I was not yet home.   On the floor of a halfway house, singing a song, He showed me the way.

In the hospital, during treatment, at the halfway house, at Midwest Challenge, and in Agape Force, I found a banquet prepared for me.

Thirty four years later, my feet are still under that Table.